


Gave My Heart Out

by sunsetmog



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Established Relationship, Family, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 16:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4270764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetmog/pseuds/sunsetmog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We could give them a home," he said softly. "It doesn't need to be a baby, right? Nobody loves those kids and I reckon we could love them."</p><p>"Yeah." Nick found Louis's hand. "I reckon we could love them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gave My Heart Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [firefall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firefall/gifts).



> Firefall, you asked for Louis and Nick being dads, and as that's one of my favourite things to think about, I'm very glad I got to write this for you. I hope you like it. <3
> 
> Thank you to my beta, you're the best.
> 
> Additional content notes: This is a fluffy, happy family story, but just to highlight that Louis and Nick adopt two children that have been in the care system, and these children have inevitably had to deal with some neglect in the past, although this is not the focus of the story.

It's stupid, really, the way it starts. They've been together fifteen and a half months, give or take, and at least eleven months of that has been spent bickering over whether pink wafers are better than fig rolls. The other four months have been taken up arguing about Jaffa Cakes, and even Nick endlessly emailing links to webpages detailing the court ruling in favour of cakes hasn't been enough to change Louis's mind about whether they're cakes or biscuits. Louis knows the truth. 

Half of their friends can't understand why they're even going out, because they spend so long arguing about what the greatest kind of nut is, or what kind of dog is the best one. They argue about biscuits, and the right way to make a cup of tea, and whether smoked or unsmoked bacon is the best. They argue about whether it's going to rain and which Britney album is the best one and if Options are better than Cadbury Highlights. They argue about which plates to buy and whether _Top Gear_ is any good anymore. They argue about who the fittest Spice Girl was, and they definitely argue about whether red pesto is better than green pesto. 

They don't argue about the big things. Four months into their relationship, wrapped up together on Nick's sofa, a blanket pulled up over them and Pig asleep on their feet, Louis had pressed his nose into Nick's throat and said, "I'm never not going to want to be a dad, you know."

Nick had taken a moment to parse that. "I want kids too," he'd said. "If that's what you're saying."

"That's what I'm saying," Louis had agreed, sticking his tongue out to lick Nick's jaw. He was an overgrown puppy sometimes, but Nick seemed to love it. Seemed to love him. 

"So we're on the same page, then?" Even back then, it had felt like their future was entwined. "We both want kids."

"I don't want to be an old dad. I'm not saying, like, tomorrow or anything. But, like—" Louis pressed a little nearer, rubbing his cheek over Nick's stupid sweater, "sometime."

"Okay," Nick said, and whilst they'd vaguely brought it up every now and again, it hadn't raised its head again until a year later, when One Direction were on hiatus, and Louis was going through periods of working at the label, writing songs, and mooching around the house annoying Nick. Their house, now. Six weeks in and it looked more like a home and less like a storage unit full of fights about what colour to paint the walls. It was a boring, quiet afternoon where there was nothing for either of them to do but watch Pig sleep and flick through the early afternoon TV options. 

The feel-good, purposefully-tug-at-the-heartstrings slot that used to be filled with programmes that bore a striking resemblance to some variation of _Pet Rescue_ had moved on to focusing on following families going through the adoption process, and saw families growing to include toddlers and small children finding a home. 

Louis had curled up in Nick's lap. "We could give them a home," he'd said softly. "It doesn't need to be a baby, right? Nobody loves those kids and I reckon we could love them."

"Yeah." Nick had found Louis's hand. Louis's heart was pounding. "I reckon we could love them."

~*~

Twelve long months later, they bring home Milo and Isadora, a brother and sister. Milo is three, dark haired and wide-eyed; he doesn't sleep through the night and is terrified of Pig and being alone and tomatoes and pigeons and the noise the kettle makes when it boils and cartoon snakes. Isadora is ten months old and cries all the time; her mum had taken god knows what during her pregnancy, and Isadora has been on the fifth percentile since her birth, tiny and sickly and just as wide-eyed as her big brother. 

Pig is banished downstairs, Nick takes paternity leave, and they spend six weeks trying to remember how to get through the day on no sleep. It doesn't go well. By the end of week one, Milo will only sleep if he's in his daddies' bed, and refuses to eat anything that isn't cucumber sandwiches. Louis finds himself sobbing on the phone to Nick's mum after the third day in a row with less than an hour's sleep between the four of them. Milo is scared of how tall Nick is, of shadows, and of everything else. The press keep swarming outside their house, desperate for a glance of their new family, and the noise terrifies Milo and keeps Isadora awake. 

In the end, Louis sneaks Milo out of the house and they drive to the local library because Louis has literally no idea what else to do. They hide out in the children's section whilst Alberto keeps an eye out. Milo might never have seen so many books in one place before; Louis and Nick had filled the house with toys, but they hadn't gone all out on the books front. Maybe they'd been wrong, because Milo picks up book after book, bringing them over to Louis for approval, and Louis ends up reading him six stories in a row, until Milo falls asleep in his lap, thumb in his mouth, and Louis wants to sob with relief. 

_He likes books_ , he texts Nick, taking a picture of Milo asleep in his lap, book still clutched in his hand. He isn't quite used to it yet, these children that are theirs to love and look after. _Our little boy likes books xx_

 _Isadora likes nothing,_ Nick texts back, _but the health visitor says she's put on weight so we must be doing something right. love you._

 _Not the worst parents in the world then. coming home in a bit. i'll pick up sandwiches on the way back and we can eat like humans for a change_. Louis isn't entirely sure what they've eaten the past few weeks. He's not really sure about anything, other than adopting an emotionally traumatised little boy and his underweight baby sister is without a doubt the hardest thing he's ever done in his life. 

Luckily the librarian knows who Louis is, because normally two different forms of identification are needed to get a library ticket, but she processes Louis's application without asking for anything other than his driving licence. She creates one for Milo too, who's still asleep in Louis's arms, and they leave the library with Alberto carrying a carrier bag full of books for a sleeping Milo. 

~*~

The pictures of Louis and Milo make it into the newspapers the following day, Louis kissing the top of his head as they come out of the sandwich shop next door to the library, Alberto following. All anyone can see of Milo is his dark hair and his shorts and his little Vans, Louis shielding his face from the sun, but what's worst is the expression on Louis's face. 

"You never look at me like that.” Nick makes a face over the top of Isadora's head. She's grumpily making a bit of an attempt at taking her bottle, and Nick's peering over Louis's shoulder to see his laptop screen. 

"Like what?" Louis asks, even though he knows the answer already, because it's embarrassing how ridiculous he looks, like he's the most in love he's ever been. "And shut up, I totally look like I love you."

Nick kisses his shoulder. Milo is sitting on the floor at Louis's feet, building a tower out of blocks. Both Milo and Isadora are a bit behind where they should be, developmentally. Milo is desperately quiet when it comes to speech, and isn't at the point where he's making sentences like he should be. Isadora is sitting but not really moving around; as well as that, her separation anxiety has kicked in and she cries whenever one of them leaves the room.

"Is this the stupidest thing we've ever done?" Nick asks. 

"Up there, I think," Louis says. It's been almost seven weeks and everything about their lives is upside down and back to front. The only constants are the already deep, desperate adoration in his heart for their two children, and for Nick too. He hadn't really expected it to feel like this. The parenting classes they'd had to take, the endless interviews to make sure that they were capable of dealing with two children with additional needs, the couple of times they'd met Milo and Isadora before the papers had been signed; none of it had really or truly prepared them for the reality of being parents. "Look at your tower, Milo, isn't it big?"

He's rewarded by Milo's wide, adorable smile, and then with tears as Milo accidentally knocks it over as he's clambering up to hug Louis's leg.

It's another half an hour—and another two stories—before peace reigns again, and by then, Louis is exhausted, and he's swapped with Nick, Isadora curled up asleep in his lap. Nick's sitting cross-legged on the floor with Milo, setting up the little train set between them. The age guidelines had suggested three and up, but Milo has trouble with keeping the train on the tracks without Nick's help. It doesn't seem to matter to Milo, though, because he's making _choo choo_ noises and pushing the train around the track. 

_We should get married_ , Louis thinks, but he doesn't say anything out loud. He takes pictures of Milo and Nick instead, and sends them to his whatsapp group. "Anyway," he says finally, when he's watched Milo clamber into Nick's lap and show him his train, Louis's phone starting to buzz with the required _adorable!!_ messages. "I do look at you like that. All the time."

"Just not where I can see," Nick tells him, stretching out his foot so that it bumps into Louis's. "Every time I turn around, you're making faces."

"That's how I show affection, you idiot," Louis says. He's blushing and he doesn't even know why. _Married_ , he thinks. _God_. 

~*~

"He doesn't seem to like any of the soft toys we got him," Louis points out as he makes ham and cucumber sandwiches for Milo's lunch a week or so later.

Isadora is sitting on the kitchen floor with her toot-toot fire engine and her matching police car. Pig is sitting by the oven, very carefully watching Isadora. She's extremely protective of the babies, and she's known instinctively since the first day they came home that she needs to stay at the other side of the room to Milo, who is only just starting to get used to Pig's happy presence. He still stays firmly at the opposite side of the room, in contrast to Isadora, who has started shuffling her bum in Pig's general direction. 

Pig goes over to her bed, finds her stuffed, well chewed toy hamburger, and comes and leaves it in the middle of the kitchen floor as a special present for Isadora, before retreating back to the oven. 

Isadora claps her hands and shuffles a good five inches towards Pig and the hamburger.

"Good girl," Louis tells her, clapping his hands. "Aren't you a good girl?"

Both Pig and Isadora react appropriately. 

"He likes it when he picks out what he wants to play with," Nick says, leaning against the door jamb so he can keep an eye on Milo, who's carefully upending his box of toy foods from his kitchen all over the floor in the hall. "Maybe we should take him to pick his own. Or maybe he's just not a soft toy kid."

"Maybe," Louis says, although he's rather of the opinion that all kids should be soft toy kids. He had a toy martian and a stuffed dog he took everywhere for years. "Not Hamleys, though. He'd hate it."

"He'd be terrified," Nick agrees. "We could drive to one of those out-of-town Mothercares, though, right? They've got soft toys."

Six months ago, neither of them knew particularly where to get toys for toddlers from. Now they've been to them all. That's how the news broke, originally: Louis and Nick pictured in Mothercare with a trolley before they brought the babies home, bickering over a t-shirt that had a pineapple wearing sunglasses on the front, the trolley full of clothes and plates and bedding and toys. They'd compromised in the end, Louis getting to have the vest with the crocodile on it if Nick got the pineapple t-shirt. Isadora got the snorkelling dinosaur with the surfboard t-shirt, though, and they both got the pirate shirts. 

Why them adding to their family was such a huge story, Louis couldn't fathom. 

"All right," Louis says. "I'll call Alberto. We can go this afternoon."

~*~

Milo fell in love with a nautical themed teddy-blankie combo, which was suitable from birth and wasn't really supposed to be for a three year old. They put the bear that went with the set in the trolley too, just in case he didn't want the blankie when he got home, but in the end, it was Isadora who went for that. It was about the same size as she was, and she'd already given him a well-chewed ear even by the time they were home from the shops. Milo had kept up a constant litany of _teddy teddy teddy_ all the way home, and Louis wasn't sure he'd ever seen him so happy. 

Nick catches his eye. "We're not terrible at this, are we?"

"Nah," Louis says. "We do okay."

Alberto, sandwiched in the back seat between two car seats and two teddy obsessed babies, rolls his eyes. 

~*~

Milo's asleep in their bed again, curled up in the middle of their pillows in his Thomas the Tank Engine pyjamas, his blankie wrapped around his hand. 

Nick wanders in from the en-suite, toothbrush in his hand. "Do you know how much we spent decorating his bedroom?"

"Probably less than on all those toys he's never looked at," Louis says, pulling on a t-shirt and going up on his toes to kiss Nick's temple. "Where's the baby monitor?"

"Behind you," Nick says, although Isadora's room is only next door and they've not missed her crying yet. He reaches for the sleeve of Louis's t-shirt, tugging him a little closer. "Come here," he says, and Louis goes easily, stepping into Nick's hug and hiding his face in Nick's neck. He licks him a little half-heartedly, sleepy. 

"Hi," Louis says. "I love you."

Nick laughs against his ear and tugs Louis a little closer. They've spent a lot of time recently cuddling their children at all hours of the day and night, but not so much time getting to do it with each other. Louis kisses his jaw, then the corner of Nick's mouth. He wraps his arms around Nick's neck, and hugs him tight. 

"We're doing all right at this, aren't we? They seem happy," Nick says, leaning over to kiss Louis's cheek. "I think Milo smiled at Pig earlier."

"Wonders will never cease," Louis says. "You think it's time to get the puppy cookie cutters out?"

"It might help if either of us knew how to bake. This should have been in the parenting manual."

"We'll write and tell them," Louis says, sounding a little muffled because he's still hugging Nick. There just hasn't been enough time for the two of them to spend any time together recently; even now they're doing an awkward kind of shuffle-dance to no music as they hug their way across the bedroom, both of them exhausted. "You think they know that someone loves them yet?"

"Think so," Nick says, after a moment. "We're a family now."

"Yeah," Louis says, "we are." When they crawl into bed, one either side of a sleeping Milo, Nick keeps a hold of Louis's hand as they fall asleep. 

~*~

Milo looks quite daunted by the little football net in the back garden, but it doesn't mean he puts his ball down. It has pictures of Thomas on it, and two minutes earlier Louis had found Isadora doing her best to eat it, because their baby girl was delightfully weird. 

Right now she's perched on Louis's hip, her teddy in hand, and if Milo doesn't want to kick the ball then it looks quite a lot like Isadora would in his place. She's itching to go down, and as it's done nothing but rain the past couple of days, it's quite clear that this is going to mean mud everywhere. She's not standing by herself yet, but if Louis holds her under her arms, feet resting on the ground, she screams with laughter, which Louis takes as a good sign. 

"Ask Daddy to show you how he scores a goal, Milo," Louis says, and Nick makes a face at Louis over the top of Milo's head. "He's really good at football, your daddy is."

"Daddy," Milo says, bumping his ball against Nick's knee. It's his first time saying it out loud. "Daddy."

Nick misses the goal, but as he's crying and Louis's crying, there's no place to mock. Nick picks up Milo and swings him round, and Louis does it with Isadora, and both of them squeal with joy. 

Afterwards, Louis leans over and catches Nick's mouth in a kiss. "It's coming true," he says, then Nick's eyes are wet again. 

"Yeah," Nick says, and he kisses the top of Isadora's head and Milo's cheek before kissing Louis again. "It really is."

~*~

They make puppy shaped biscuits, Milo pressing the cookie cutter into the dough and Nick helping him, Louis and Isadora playing with her cars at the other end of the table. Pig runs in and out of the kitchen bringing toy after toy in for Milo, but never coming close enough to cause Milo to freak out. Milo notices—he always notices Pig—but other than a cautious glance to work out where his daddies are, he doesn't get upset. 

_Progress_ , Louis thinks, meeting Nick's glance over the top of Milo's head. He obviously agrees. 

"Dada," Isadora says suddenly, showing Louis her car.

Louis stares at her for the longest moment. It's her first word. 

"Oh my god," Nick says and he's bundling Isadora out of Louis's lap and into the air, cookie dough everywhere, and Isadora's laughing because she loves being held. "Aren't you great, hey, Isadora? Your first word."

Louis wraps his arms around them both, kissing the top of Isadora's head before leaning down to hug Milo. 

"No," Milo complains, cookie cutter in hand, trying to wriggle out of Louis's hug. He's still not talking in sentences, and he starts with the speech therapist next week, but it doesn't matter. He's theirs, and they're his, and Louis blows a raspberry against Milo's shoulder and helps him cut out more puppy shaped biscuits. The kitchen looks like a bomb's hit it. 

It's perfect. 

~*~

Waiting for the cookies to cool down is the worst, the absolute worst, and Louis's as bad as Milo is, hanging around the kitchen like that's going to make the cooling down time speed up. 

Milo jumps up and down and pretends to be a train running up and down the hall. Pig's in the living room, snoozing on her back in the middle of the floor. Upstairs, Nick's changing Isadora's nappy, and Louis can hear him singing Beyonce off-key to her from down the landing. It's not like Louis imagined it. 

It's better. 

"Hi," Nick says, appearing at the top of the steps, Isadora in his arms. 

"Hi yourself," Louis says, waving at Isadora, who waves back. She's still so small for her age. "Can we have the cookies yet?"

Nick rolls his eyes. "Test them and see." 

Louis sticks his tongue out, then tries to sneak into the kitchen without Milo seeing. He fails. Milo's at his heels within a second, and Louis ends up trying to lay out some of the cookies on a plate so they can go into the living room to each have one. He warms up a bottle for Isadora, and some milk for Milo in his cup, getting a can of Diet Coke for Nick and a Coke Zero for him. It's one thing being a good example for their kids, and another thing giving up a Coke habit. 

In the living room, Nick is sprawled out on the sofa with Isadora sitting on his stomach, quite happily playing with a toy mushroom. She babbles when Louis and Milo come in, waving, and Nick props himself up with an arm behind his head. 

"Hello, servant," he says, when Louis deposits his drink on the table, and Isadora's bottle next to it. 

Louis rolls his eyes and goes to sit down in the armchair, plate of biscuits in hand. "See if you get a puppy biscuit now."

"No," Milo says, running over. "Daddy biscuit." He pronounces it _bikkit_. He steals one from the plate and takes it over to Nick, who's uncapping Isadora's bottle. "Daddy biscuit."

"Thank you, Milo," Nick says, meeting Louis's eyes as he kisses Milo's forehead. "Good boy. Bringing Daddy a biscuit."

Milo runs back over to Louis, takes another biscuit, and gives it to Louis, then takes another one. Deciding Isadora doesn't want one—she's guzzling her bottle down, which is great considering she's still so small, and wasn't finishing her bottles when she arrived with them—he takes very cautious steps over towards Pig, who's sitting in her bed by the fireplace. 

"Is that for Pig?" Louis asks. His heart's beating a little fast. 

Milo keeps looking at Pig. He nods. 

"That's kind of you," Louis goes on, "taking Pig a present." Pig gets to her feet, but doesn't rush forward, thankfully. Louis is on the edge of his seat, close enough that he can scoop Milo up if he gets upset. "Why don't you put it on the floor for her? Stay, Pig."

Milo drops the biscuit on the floor and then hurries back to Louis's knee. Pig goes to sniff the biscuit, and then pokes it with her paw. 

"Shall we pat Pig on the head, Milo?"

Milo shakes his head. 

"Okay. How about Dad pats Pig on the head, and you hold my hand?" 

Milo slips his hand into Louis's, and together they take the couple of steps over to where Pig's nosing at the biscuit. Louis crouches down and pats Pig on the head. She's very docile, and doesn't do anything but look up at Louis. Milo very, very cautiously reaches a hand out and touches the top of Pig's head. He glances up at Louis for reassurance. 

"Good boy," Louis says. "Aren't you a good boy?" 

Milo's had enough. He hasn't had his biscuit yet, and he's been scared of Pig for weeks. Louis kisses the top of his head. 

"Go and pick a story, love," he says, "and then come back and you can have your biscuit and I'll read it to you."

Milo darts over to his toy boxes by the window, and Louis goes over to kiss the top of Nick's head. 

"Did you see that?"

"Sure did," Nick says, grinning up at him. "Always did say patience was a virtue."

"You never did," Louis says. He pokes Nick in the shoulder so that Nick pulls a face.

"You're terrible," Nick says, and Louis laughs as Milo comes back over, books in hand. 

"Three stories, huh?" Louis says. "Come on then, Mischief."

Milo laughs, and runs back over to the armchair. 

~*~

It's late when Isadora finally gets to sleep, and Louis comes back downstairs with the baby monitor. Milo's flat out in their bed again. Nick's sprawled on the sofa with the TV on, flicking through the channels. 

Louis collapses on top of him with an oomph, dropping his cheek against Nick's shoulder. Nick wraps an arm around him, and doesn't complain about having a heavy boyfriend drop on to him with no warning. He must be used to it by now. 

They're both exhausted, the house is a mess, and at some point they're going to have to deal with the fact that Milo won't sleep by himself. Louis's never been happier in his life. 

"Marry me," he says, without thinking twice about it. Nick's hand tightens on his shoulder. 

"Louis—"

"I love you," Louis says, without moving. "I love you so much."

Nick's quiet for a moment. 

"Don't say no."

"I wasn't going to," Nick says. "I probably couldn't if I tried."

"You're terrible at this," Louis says. He's so tired he can't bring himself to move. 

"No, I'm not," Nick says. "You're terrible."

Louis's falling asleep. "Are you going to marry me or not?"

"Course I am," Nick says. "I love you, you idiot. Of course I'll marry you."

"Our kids can walk us up the aisle."

"Pig can be flower girl."

"Course," Louis says, and he hides his face in Nick's neck. "I love you."

"Love you more," Nick says. His hand's in Louis's hair, scratching at Louis's scalp so that Louis groans in satisfaction. "Are you still going to want to marry me in the morning?"

"Would think so," Louis says. "Are you still going to want to marry me tomorrow?"

"Every day, I think," Nick says. "Forever."

"Good," Louis says, in satisfaction. He's too tired to open his eyes. 

"Come on," Nick says. "If Milo wakes up he'll be scared. Time for bed."

Louis makes a very big deal of grumpily rolling off Nick and stumbling to his feet. 

"You won't forget you're marrying me, will you?" Louis asks a few minutes later, when they're crawling into bed either side of Milo. 

"No," Nick says, quite patiently, "I won't."

"Good," Louis says, and falls asleep.


End file.
